Monthly Archives: March 2008

would you buy porn from this guy?

according to some internet sources, when jared, the subway sandwich guy was in college, he operated a successful business from his dorm room – porn running. jared.jpg

seriously? is anyone really surprised by this? he just looks like a creepy video store guy.  supposedly he had an EXTENSIVE collection, which is *shocking*. 

he probably decided to go into business to supplement his food budget. anyway, so he started renting the movies for $1.00 a pop, and things just took off.

you know, personally, i don’t know why he stopped. jared seems like a pretty shrewd guy. he probably could have revolutionized the porn/sandwich industry. 

guy: yes, i’ll have an egg salad, extra mayo, and a copy of “dirty debutantes.”

jared: we’re having a special today, buy two sandwiches get a second video rental free.

guy: ok, i’ll also take a smoked turkey and “matchgame, the uncensored version.”

apparently business was booming. typically college students have a moderate amount of disposable income, are a great untapped market, and know a good bargain when they see it. look where it got michael dell.

if you find me even remotely funny, please click on 

flying under the gaydar

my love for the show “the family guy” is no big secret. in fact, i think lois is a very good mother.

so the other night, my husband and i were watching the “back to the woods” episode i tivoed, when the following conversation took place:quagmire.jpg

him: what are you laughing at?

me: that barry manilow calls quagmire up on stage and sings to him instead of a girl.

him: why is that funny?

me: seriously? because barry manilow is gay.

him: what? barry manilow is not gay. i mean, his SONGS are gay, but he’s not gay. is he married?

me: no. but what difference does that make? elton john was married to a woman in the 80s and now he’s the freaking queen of england.

him: i still think you’re wrong.

me: hello? MAN-dy? a shadow of a MAN, a face through a window? you came and you gave without taking? some dude is looking through his window, among other things. obviously a thinly veiled nod to his lover, and it’s not “mandy.” it’s a MAN, baby.

him: that’s crazy talk. next you’ll be telling me stewie is gay.

me: uhhh….are we watching the same show?stewie.jpg

him: stewie is not gay. what about that episode when he tries to do it with the popular high school girl?

me: yeah, well he also tries to do it with the DOG, too. look, i read about this. stewie is gay and he was going to come out, but the writers decided it was funnier to just have stewie want to sleep with everyone. hell, he even thinks about doing it with jesus. 

him: wha? i don’t believe it.

me: look, you have a gay brother. you’re supposed to know about this stuff. don’t you have any gaydar?

him: well, growing up, i knew my brother was different, i just thought he was a sissy. but he had me fooled because he always seemed to have these good looking girlfriends. anyway, so i when i finally figured out they were just beards, i slept with a couple of them. 

me: so i guess, technically, that doesn’t make them sloppy seconds.

so, i’ve decided i’m taking a poll. what do you think?

barry manilow, stewie – gay or not gay? (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

they take all comers over at

whatsamatta? you stoopid or somethin’?

apparently, yes i am. since humor-blogs crashed a while back i’ve been having some problems with my humor-blogs account. my user profile just disappeared and the cute picture i photo-shopped down to fit was replaced by the running brown brick (can someone please tell me what the hell that thing is!?) and the cute little bio i wrote just went poof. plus i couldn’t even get in to edit my site details.

so anyway, because i love humor-blogs SOOO much, i have been harassing kindly asking diesel to please figure out what the hell is wrong and fix it.

then just a few days ago, i noticed that when i published a new post, it appeared TWICE on the humor-blogs funniest list. well…. THAT is pretty nice, i thought. i guess bee isn’t the only one who can figure out how to hog the front page and i didn’t have to blow anybody either.

great exposure aside, i still couldn’t get into my account even though it APPEARED that i was logged in (foreshadowing). and then yesterday i noticed that while was sitting pretty at about number 13 on the humor-blogs charts a usurper, leighonline, had just rounded the front page corner and was positioned at number 30, and in the bottom right corner was the little paper and pen icon that had been missing from my profile for so long. blondeandblonder.gif

yes, apparently, i somehow had two profiles – a bizarro leighonline if you will. 

and my computer was automatically logging me onto the bizarro profile. and additionally, i seem to have forgotton my original password which i was finally able to retrieve after manually logging out and then clicking on the “forgot your password” link.

a complete blond moment. almost but not quite as good as the time i was discussing the diaper-wearing astronaut with a co-worker.

me: why do you think they wear those diapers anyway? is it for the Zs?
him: uhhhh, you mean the Gs?
me: (laughing nervously to cover up my stupidity) ha ha, yeah that’s what i meant.
him: yeah, well i hear the Ds, Es and Fs are the real bitch.

at this point however, diesel had figured out what has wrong and deleted one of the profiles (the higher one of course) and now i’ve lost about half of my clicks.  thanks big guy. kidding. love you.

anyway, so i can’t believe i’m doing this, but i’m whoring myself out.

please click on humor-blogs to help me regain my once and hopefully future place on the charts.