Monthly Archives: November 2009

teen wolf

jason stathamdear jason,

hey! long time no talk. i’m sorry, i haven’t been avoiding you…i’ve just been really busy.

what have you been up to? i haven’t seen much of your naked torso lately.

guess you’re just in a slump what with guy richie going off and making a film with that former has-been robert downey junior. and jude law? please. i think you totally would have made an excellent watson.

anywoo…we need to talk.taylor_lautner1

look, we’ve always had an open relationship. i’ve turned a blind eye to your indiscretions, like when you ran off with that flat-chested, george clooney-castoff skank. but we’ve always come back to each other, just like pam and tommy… so i know you’ll understand.

it’s just…i’ve met someone new.

now, i didn’t plan this. it was all completely innocent.

i took my daughter to the movies to see that new teen bloodsucker movie and suddenly…  there he was… no, not edward. i hate skinny pasty guys. no, the other one. that yummy boy/wolf person, taylor lautner…sigh.

now, jason, i know you’re thinking, “leigh, WTF?!!! that’s a 16 year old kid!”  well, yes and no.

here’s how i see it. he’s half boy/ half wolf. and a wolf is almost like a dog. and 1 human year is actually 7 dog years so, theoretically he’s 112. 

so in reality, i’m having no moral dilemma with this.

what i’m trying to say is think we should stop seeing each other. at least for a little while. so please don’t cry. this is already difficult enough. and when you’re ready, i’d still like to be friends.

your friend (with benefits),