two posts in almost as many days?

i’m sure you’re asking yourself, “WTF is going on? has leigh gotten her groove back?”

no, not exactly. but apparently there was some confusion caused by that last post, so i HAD to do something. i couldn’t have you thinking that we’re such hillbillies that we would actually go around with TAGS hanging off our clothes!

i mean, come on! that would be silly. what do you think this is? freaking hee haw?

the truth is…because i’m so lazy BUSY with all this staying at home shit (and because i had no freaking clue where my camera was) i went out into the internet and FOUND a picture of the exact same slippers i wore to walmart and used those instead.

it seemed just so much simpler than going into the closet and taking a picture of my slippers and then having to transfer the picture to the computer, and THEN upload it to my blog. whew! i’m getting tired just thinking about it.

are you buying it? yeah, i didn’t think so.

well, since the hubs has let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, i guess i can no longer keep this secret any more. sometimes the hubs likes to dress like me.

GOD, it feels so good to get that off my chest! you have no idea what the last 14 years have been like. however, since the hubs is very particular about me accidentally wearing his stuff, he’s devised this genius plan to differentiate our belongings. never mind that there’s no way his big-foot ass could fit in my shoes.

anyway, they say couples have to do whatever it takes to make relationships work, and we’ve found our solution. 

and it works so well, it’s been implemented across the board.

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since i got laid off in november, i’ve been adjusting to being a stay-at-home mom and trying to figure out what the hell unemployed women actually do all day to keep themselves busy, besides being in charge of the laundry, and i’ve finally developed a schedule to keep my hours filled. here are some of my new found daily pleasures:

• making breakfast for the kids
• driving my daughter to school at 6:45am every morning in my pajamas despite the fact that the middle school bus passes right in front of our house
• driving my son to school at 8:30am every morning in my pajamas (i know! damn texas school schedules!) despite the fact that the elementary school bus passes right in front of our house
• taking a nap after everyone leaves
• foregoing the daily shower
• renouncing makeup
• lounging around in the clothes that i slept in all night
• thinking about going to the gym and deciding i will go tomorrow
• lying on the couch watching soaps until everyone gets home
• making home-cooked dinners every night
• helping the kids with their homework
• getting the kids showered and ready for bed
• throwing down a few cocktails
• staying up late and watching tivoed episodes of the train wreck that is rock of love bus

and i’m FINE people, i’m really, really FINE.

anyway, so this morning after i dropped my daughter off at school, i realized that i was out of creamer and the thought of going home and drinking coffee watered down with milk was just too much to bear.

“hey!” i said to myself. “walmart’s open 24 hours and it’s just around the corner from the school. i can pop in there and be home before anyone else wakes up.”

so i went… in these and my jammie pants. hey! don’t give me that look! i don’t have a problem! these are REALLY nice slippers.

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the first season of the humor bloggers fantasy football league has come to a close and the hubs has been pestering me to allow him to respond to all the smack talk that team “fantasy virgin” endured. so, i’ve finally gotten off my ass and put this together for him. (non-bloggers have no IDEA what a pain in the ass it is to find all those video links.)

personally, i don’t like smack talk, because i’m a huge believer in karma, but he earned this, so here goes.

…

“Even though Leigh deferred to me for her team picks, I have never played fantasy football before. Therefore, the name Fantasy Virgin is accurate. I am not a writer and have never blogged before. When I was writing this blog, I was drinking a glass of my favorite bourbon with coke. Leigh informed me that you should never write and blog. However, writing to me is kind of like dancing. I have to have a few drinks to get up the nerve.

There was a lot of smack talked about Leigh and her team throughout the season. This post is dedicated to each and everyone of the league members. If you wanna talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk.

Chris: Great job putting the league together. Nice try in the finals. You lost by one point to a team that should have won by at least 30. Just remember that second place is the first loser.

Rambler: You are the king of talking smack. you pulled a plaxico burress on yourself when you tried to slam my team. You have called my wife a fantasy slut and a dominatrix. I smacked your ass 3 times in one season. If fact, you lost by over 100 points in one game to me during the regular season. I thought I had a bye when I found out we had a game in the playoffs. rambler, how’s my a** taste?

Paula (Googled Eye Goons): You were some tough competition. Especially in our first meeting when I did not know WTF the w/r pick was. I picked Donald Driver instead of Adrian Peterson. You did accuse Leigh of using a penis to win this event. I will go on record as saying that I try to give Leigh the penis every chance I get.

What The Canuck: You were done as soon as Tom Brady went down.

Renal Failure: At one point, you falsely claimed to be the people’s champion. The people always like winners (Celtics, Lakers, Yankees, etc.). The TV networks love the Fantasy Virgins of the world…and you, renal failure, are no people’s champion. So that’s why when we played this season, the real people’s champion laid a smack down on your candy ass!

 

White Strypers: Pretty solid team, beat me once.

Washington Crooks: Beat you twice in the regular season. Unfortunately, your two losses in the consolation bowl makes those wins more irrelevant.

Predator Press: You rode LT and Eli into missing the playoffs. Of course LT had an incredible game the week after fantasy football was over.

Ricky: Only got to play you once. Other teams that played you twice got an extra unfair victory. You are the disgrace to fantasy football. The early 60’s Mets were better than your team.”

 

…

thanks everyone! it was great fun. hope we get to play next year.

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