Monthly Archives: December 2008

same auld lang syne

wow! i can’t believe this year is almost over. what started off as a pretty good year somehow turned into a bastard about november.

i want to thank those of you who have continued to visit my little blog (all six of you) even after i let my crap-ass ex-employer get me down.

there is justice for those shitheads though because one of my ex-coworkers just gave notice. my old department is now officially screwed. they’ve lost 50% of their employees and are still expected to do the same amount of work.

my boss’s response to my coworker? “well, i wish i had known you were going to do this BEFORE i laid off leigh!”

well, maybe now someone’s learned a little lesson. but probably not. the assholes really never do.

anyhoo, it’s new year’s eve and i’m reminded of one of my ex-boyfriends. he had a crazy dad who gave him three pieces of advice when he was little (before he divorced his mom and left the family…it’s kind of a sad story). they are as follows:

1. smoking cigarettes will eff up a breathalizer, so you should consider taking it up.

2. don’t f*ck the people that you work with.

3. new years eve is for amateurs.

now, i’m not sure about number one because i think that’s just wishful thinking. and i’m a classic example of breaking number two because that’s how i married the hubs. but as for number three….i have to say that’s the best advice i’ve ever heard. and that’s why i’m staying in. the real drunks handle their liquor 364 days of the year. what makes me worry is when suzy suburban and her husband hit the town to throw down a few.

so i’m making martinis and staying in tonight.

nye

dave, thanks for sharing your dad’s advice. it’s invaluable. and to everyone, have a happy new year!

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leigh explains it all for you: how to win fantasy football and alienate people

footballgirl1earlier this year, i did something really out of the ordinary for me – i decided to take chris up on his offer to join the humor bloggers fantasy football league.

i’ve never played fantasy football, but i thought, why the hell not? anyway, 16 weeks later, unbelievably, i find myself in the position of league champion! 

so i’m sure you’re asking yourself, “leigh, you’re a smoking hot babe! how the eff do you know anything about football?!” well, dear readers, i’m more than just a pretty face. i’m smart, well read, and resourceful too.

so, here’s my top ten list of winning strategies: 

1. read the rules.  it took 3 weeks before i realized W/R meant you could choose a wide receiver OR a running back for that position.

2. choose your players on tuesday.  you can make changes all the way up to game time.  this allows you to go on the weekly unemployment drinking binge and not have to worry whether or not you have chosen your team. this is really important late in the season when there are thursday night games.

3. do not choose wide receivers that have your opponent’s quarterback that week.  there is nothing worse than getting points for your team that are immediately offset.

4. keep one kicker and one defense.  use these two extra picks to get more quarterbacks, running backs, and/or wide receivers.

5. take the best players available for your bench.  having matt forte and cederick benson on my bench helped prevent me from losing to another team.

6. do not comment about “what ifs.” the score is the score.

7. be careful about smack talk.  karma smacks back (you know who you are….)

8. use all your resources: injury reports, player news, yahoo writers.

9. have your spouse review every pick.

10. give credit where credit is due. thanks hubs.

next up, a guest post from the man behind the fantasy virgin. he’s also a virgin blogger, and he’s been begging for a chance to smack down everyone who’s been calling me a SLUT for the last few weeks. i’m going to let him.

love and kisses,

leigh

don’t quit your day job

agh! ok, ok, ok. i know it’s been weeks days, and i’ve been avoiding you guys like an old lover. but today heyjoe harassed me enough so that i’m feeling compelled to write. plus bex is pissed at me and candice freaking tagged me (which i’ll get to next), so i figured it’s time. 

also, it taken about this long for me to realize some sad truths about myself. domesticgoddess1

the myth: i *really* like working.
the reality: i do not actually like working. i actually like shopping. shopping is my crack and i must work to feed the addiction. however, the hubs has taken away my credit cards, i’m in the throes of withdrawal, and i’m feeling quite bitchy. must.find.work.soon.

the myth: the reason i don’t cook is because i am always working.
the reality: i have no inner domestic goddess trying to escape. my whole family pretty much prefers anything stouffers to what i’ve been attempting.

teenage daughter: what *is* this stuff, mom? it tastes funny.
me: that’s because it’s homemade.
teenage daughter: oh… can i have some cereal?

the myth: women look better when they are happy.
the reality: i ran into an acquaintance at the grocery store today and had the following exchange.

her: hey! long time no see! you look great! what’s going on with you? wow, you look so skinny! have you lost weight?
me: oh, let’s see. i got shit canned. i’m depressed and going to therapy. i haven’t shaved my legs in two weeks and i’m living off coffee and dry honey nut cheerios. but apparently my ASS is noticeably smaller, so i’ve got that going for me.

god that felt good! i think i’m back.

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