you know what i hate? when i’m being all women’s libby and stuff. and putting air in my tires at the gas station and some big, sweaty, muscular construction worker pulls up in his pickup truck, gets out and comes up to me and says, “hi, i’m steve. do you need some help with that?”

i hate that! and by hate i mean, would you mind taking off your shirt and rubbing some of this baby oil all over your chest and then stand there with this big hammer in your hand?

me: (looking around to see if this specimen is talking to me) uhhhh… hi. no, i’m fine. i’ve got a flat. i’m just going to drive it home.

specimen: are you ok?  do you live far?

me: no, i’m fine. i’m just about a mile down the road. plus, i have another car at home i can drive.

specimen: that sure is a nice car. what do you do?

me: i work for a software company. (foreshadowing)

specimen: ok, well, i’m just working in the area. you sure are mechanically inclined.

me: (*crickets* it’s freaking air, steve) well, my dad taught me some stuff.

specimen: well, very nice to meet you. have a nice day. (smiles and teeth flash blindingly)

me: (recovering) uhhhh….yeah! you too!

oh, yeah, i almost forgot. i got laid off today. fuckers. i hate you too.

now for something really important – november 12 is a great day in american history. do you know what today is? come on, you should know this! geez, it’s the day that marty mcfly went back to the future in the delorean that doc brown made into a time machine.

 

ok, i’m not really that big of a dork. i heard it on the radio this morning driving into work. however, i *love* this movie, it’s one of my all time favorites and it is quite possible the best fantasy flick ever made, in spite of the script.

now see, i’m ok with a film about peeping toms, bullies, rape, and a mom wanting to boink the new kid in town who just happens to be her son, but i can see how some of you might have problems with this. however, this is a case of a flick coming together perfectly – any director that can take a story with some icky oedipal overtones and turn it into a monster hit is a pure genius.

i think the only reason this flick didn’t tank is solely due to michael j. fox. this movie could have never been made without him. and in fact, it almost wasn’t.

probably one of the least well kept secrets in hollywood is that BTTF originally began filming with a different male lead cast. about 40 minutes of the movie was shot before director robert zemeckis realized people would be getting all creeped out by the mom/son love story unless they did something about the male lead, eric stoltz. so they fired him and brought in sweet inoffensive MJF. don’t believe me? check out the pics:

  
(click to biggie-size)

i for one, would LOVE to see what the missing footage looks like, but all that seems to have been released are the stills. when the movie was released on dvd a while back, rumors were flying around that we might get to see some of what was shot.

sadly, none was included with the official word being, “nothing was included out of respect to eric, his performance was very intense and not the tone we were looking for, blah, blah, blah,” which we all know is code for, “it was a craphole! it blew! he really, really sucked, and wasn’t funny, and it was a painful experience to watch, and we don’t think anyone should have to sit through it like we did, which is why we reshot the piece of sh*t!! 1985 is over! it’s the 2000s! get a freaking life!”

kind of makes you wonder what eric’s career would have been like if he’d had a chance to be in an iconic teen movie with a hot 80s writer or director? oh wait, i saw some kind of wonderful. nevermind.

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i’ve got a secret. i don’t know if i should tell any of you, because i don’t feel like getting a ration of sh*t. today is election day and i’ll be honest. i’m having a really hard time deciding who’s the least crappy candidate.

see, here’s the problem. i don’t really *like* any of the final choices that the parties have come up with.

first let’s take john mccain. john apparently has some anger and sarcasm issues which are not at all attractive, and then there’s all the facial expressions and camera mugging which makes it virtually impossible to watch him for any extended length of time. plus, he’s batsh*t crazy, but being held in captivity for five years by the north vietnamese will do that to you.

then there’s sarah palin. i love that the republicans said, “you’ve got a black guy? well, check this sh*t out!” i think i like her, but i suspect this has more to do with the fact that i like tina fey, and it would be really great to watch tina impersonate her on SNL for the next four years.

then there’s obama. probably the least objectionable personality in the bunch, but even hillary clinton said he wasn’t qualified, and i think we should believe her since we all know who was really wearing the pants in the white house when bill was president, mostly because his were down all of the time.

and then there’s biden. this guy needs a cork in his pie hole.

WTF is wrong with the parties!? this is the BEST they could do? where’s the charisma? these people are all assholes!

and why would they even want to be president NOW? whoever wins is going to inherit the biggest economic clusterf*ck since the great depression. regardless of who gets elected, we’re in for a bumpy ride.

i’ve voted for both dems and republicans and based on those experiences, i can say i completely understand the old adage, “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”

here’s what i want:

• both dems and republicans have shown that left to their own devices, they will eff us all over for their own financial gain. therefore, i demand regulation and consequences for the powerful wall street firms whose CEOs would bankrupt companies and then leave with golden parachutes, AND the likes of franklin raines and those who would cook the fannie and freddie books to line their own pockets.
• the right of women to have reproductive control over their bodies – just don’t expect me to pay for their abortions.
• legalize pot, tax the crap out of it, and balance the budget with just the proceeds from california alone.

problem solved! find me a candidate with a platform like that and i’ll be first in line to vote. until then, i think i’m just gonna sit this one out.

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