happy $%*ing halloween

have you ever been cursed out by a kindergartner? well, it goes something like this: “you stoopid poopy-head mommy! i hate you! you’re the worst mommy in the whole world! i’m going to run away…forever!” it’s not that i am completely unaccustomed to this type of drama. it’s just usually coming out of the mouth of my 11-year-old daughter and not my six-year-old son.                                                       

what, exactly, could incite such language from a small child? i will tell you. tell that small child that he isn’t going trick-or-treating and that is what you will get. i don’t want to go into great detail, but just suffice it to say, last year, my son was really bad. so bad, that i was at the end of my rope. i had no other cards to play except to threaten to withhold the annual candy-collecting pilgrimage. he thought i was bluffing. first lesson: mommies never bluff.

there were many tears (his and mine) and he spent the entire evening in his room alone while his sister went with friends, hauling an extra bag to bring home candy for her stinky brother, whom she felt sorry for.

this time, i am praying things are going to be different. nobody likes to miss out on running around the neighborhood in a ridiculous costume (this year i’m a sexy geisha girl – cos asian girls are hot and i will TOTALLY fool everyone with my outfit) and accepting free candy from strangers, especially me. i have been reminding my son about last year in hopes that there’s no encore. he has promised me he’s going to be good. i’ve even bought him a new costume as an incentive. ok, it’s really a bribe, but whatever works.

he is going to be darth vader because he is going through a huge star wars phase right now and being a huge SW nut myself, i’m fully supporting it. so he has a new costume. and a helmet. and a new light saber that lights up and makes authentic light saber sounds when you bang it against your sister’s head. and a new plastic pumpkin to put his treats in. and he’s been behaving fairly well, apart from that little bus fight incident.

i have really high hopes. all is forgiven. i am setting the bar high, and managing expectations. i’m thinking that this year, he is going to make it. but just in case, i haven’t taken the tags off his costume.

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