stuck in the middle (ages)

here it comes again. it seems like i have just gotten over the holidays and then BAM! every single year – it’s my birthday. so this year, i’m having one of those milestone birthdays. i’ve actually already had some milestone birthdays and most of them i’d like to forget. there was the one that my ex-boyfriend threw. he held a surprise party for me, complete with “you’re old now” gag gifts and black balloons. and i was only 30. needless to say, i did not end up with him…actually he hasn’t ended up with anybody. coincidence?

when i was younger, i loved having my birthday. i loved having a party, and getting presents and being the center of attention if only for one day. i guess in theory, i still enjoy people wanting to make my day special…just don’t ask me how many days it’s been. it’s funny how just a few years can make such a difference.cake.jpg

take boobs for example. until only recently i had what some might consider a fairly spectacular rack. gravity and two pregnancies have conspired against me, however, i can still incite envy in some of my girlfriends and still manage to turn heads at the hardware store, so it’s not completely hopeless. they say the best offense is a good defense. and in my case, i’d say the best defense is a good brassiere. so between me and victoria’s secret, we’re managing to perpetuate the illusion of youth and perkiness with relative success.

so maybe that’s what’s bothering me. in spite of my best efforts, and strategically engineered underwear, i still can’t stop what’s happening to me. i’m middle-aged…and there’s nothing i can do about it. but there are some things i can do. i will defy expectations and preconceived notions and live my life the way i want to.

  • i will have long hair and it will be blond. forever. 
  • i will sport cleavage until people begin to snicker and point.
  • the words “age appropriate clothing” do not exist in my vocabulary. i will continue to shop at forever XXI and abercombie & fitch, because i can. the only people who say older women shouldn’t shop there are the haters that can’t fit into the clothes.
  • i will flirt with the slacker counter boys working at starbucks near my office.
  • i will wear tank tops and shorts during the summer and have tan legs.
  • i will wear a bikini to the beach.
  • i will revel in the fact that older women have more character, humor, intelligence, and sexiness that any 20-year-old girl could possible hope for.
  • i will love myself and my wrinkles – at least until my regular botox injections begin.


so, i’m going to accept what’s happening, but i’m not going to take it lying down. i’m going to fight it every step of the way. and i’m going to win. and when i walk down the street, and hear “wow! there goes a great-looking older woman!” i’ll accept the compliment graciously and with pride.

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