i’m going to bitch slap me a star effer

my sweet blog friend erin is always on top of things. today she just sent me the following gossip.

it seems that while i’ve been singing his praises, my boyfriend, jason statham, was recently seen on a date with that skanky, george clooney cast-off, sarah larson.

jason, jason, jason. if picking up george’s sloppy seconds is the way you want to go, then i just don’t know if we have a future together. i’m really disappointed in you. look, i know you have a thing for brunettes, but this chick is not even hot.

 let’s compare, shall we?

sl.jpg  me.jpg
  • scary-skinny girl, who got dumped by george
    AFTER she got a boob job. 
  • cocktail waitress in vegas with assorted gigs in
    which she appears semi-naked. star effing is
    not a career.
  • she’s slept with george clooney. that guy’s had
    more tang than all the astronauts put together.
    there’s no telling what she may have picked up.
  • real girl with real (big) boobs. 
  • i have my own money. i just want your body. and i have held a job for the last 10 years which has not required me to take off my clothes (unless it’s thursday and i’m not wearing any pants)
  • one guy since 1995. clean as a whistle.     
   
   

look jason, i’m willing to forget this all happened. as long as you agree not to see her anymore. i’m even willing to consider going brunette, just for you. as long as you know the carpet won’t match the drapes.

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13 thoughts on “i’m going to bitch slap me a star effer

  1. Bex

    Does she have some sort of congenital birth defect that causes a backbone to be running down the center of her chest?? WTF is that thing, anyway?? I’ll bet you could snap her in two with your big hooters. (Just watch out for her eyebrows. They look like they could draw blood if you get too close to them.)

    Reply
  2. leigh Post author

    bex – i was going to mention those two caterpillars running across her forehead, but i figured i’d just let the picture speak for itself.

    Reply
  3. The Hypocritical One...

    That picture is terrible. I think Sarah is turning to Lindsay Lohan and Nichole Richie for diet advice. (although Sarah is pretty…she is still a “hooah”)
    The “white jackie chan” (Jason) will move along quickly…nothing to see there–so why not throw your hat in the ring??

    Reply
  4. leigh Post author

    sully – aawww. jason is hot. if you think i need to move up, who would you suggest?

    mark, mac – thanks you guys!!

    heyjoe – so you think i’d look better as a brunette?

    Reply
  5. HeyJoe

    Well I have to say that I am partial to brunette’s, but I have no idea how you’d look as one. Does that mean you’re not a hot blonde? Hell no.

    Reply

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