whew! it’s good to know that the brouhaha from that last post has all blown over. who knew an innocent vacation photo could cause such a ruckus.
in fact, my friend diesel, has invited me to impart some of my blogging wisdom, such as it is, as long as i promise to keep my clothes on. this may prove difficult, based on how i’ve discovered this is the cause for my new-found popularity, but here goes.
join a blogging forum
joining humor-blogs was probably the best thing i ever did for myself, as far as blogging is concerned (shameless plug). i actually found H-B through johnny virgil’s blog. someone forwarded me his now infamous j.c. penney post, and i thought, “hey, i can do that!”
truthfully, i was a little scared at first. humor is so subjective and you never know if anyone is going to find you as funny as you find yourself, but having a support group is great.
come out of the shadows
lurking is ok for a while, but if you’re going to read other blogs, you should leave comments. i LOVE comments! that is how other bloggers will find you and you may generate a few loyal readers along the way.
do not steal!
plagiarism is a big blogging don’t. if you’re so hard up that you can’t come up with a decent post, then perhaps you shouldn’t be blogging at all.
i read blogs all the time and you should too. in fact, i get a lot of my ideas and inspiration from other blogs, but presenting someone else’s work as your own is just wrong. copyscape is a good place see if other people have been “borrowing” your work.
KISS (or keep it simple, stoopid)
this isn’t the time to try to write your dissertation. overly long posts do not get read, at least not when you don’t have an established audience.
and nobody is dennis miller, but dennis miller, so easy on the intellectualism. i find most people are funny if they just relax and be themselves.
watch your mouth
personally, i like profanity, and i think it can be used to great effect, as long as it’s done creatively. i can think of at least 57 different ways to use the “F” word and none of them involve actually writing out the entire word – eff, effing, freaking, friggin, fig, frack.
also don’t forget the creative use of the character keys. a well-placed “*” goes a long way. the possibilities are endless.
and, you won’t run the risk of alienating you’re more sensitive readers.
i’ve been told i’m not allowed to talk about boobs or show pictures of my boobs, however, i cannot emphasize enough how using pictures in your posts can help illustrate a point like words never could.
case in point – one of my recent posts that included pictures managed to get diesel in hot water with mrs. diesel, give sinister dan a bad case of wind, and net me a whopping 557 hits in one day, which is a pretty big deal for me, and i wasn’t even trying!
however, i cannot confirm that the use of gratuitous flesh shots will work for everyone, as this may not be the case unless you have ovaries. you’ll have to ask brent and wolf.
plus, i love seeing pictures of the people whose blogs i read. it makes me feel connected to them.
easy on the kiddie stories
look, i’m a parent too, so i think my kids are the funniest, smartest, most talented, athletic, beautiful, blah, blah, blah… creatures that ever walked the planet.
does that mean that i should be writing about what they did, said, ate, drank, or pooped every second of every day? no it does not, unless i’m using my blog as a substitute for some much-needed primal scream therapy. and neither should you. mix it up. stretch yourself. and throw in a good kid post every once in a while. your readers will thank you.
you’ll thank me for hooking you up with more funny blogs.
I was with you until you said, “Watch your mouth”. Do I HAVE to??? I just LLOOOOVVVE my potty words….
All that aside, you crack me up. Nice post!
bex – thanks! far be it from me to tell other people how to run their blogs…but my mom reads mine.
“give sinister dan a bad case of wind,”
While this is technically true, it should be noted that I always have a bad case of the wind. As an infant, I swallowed a box fan.
Thanks for reminding me of that.
Dear lord woman! If you take my swears, my head will pop off!
Other than that, I agree with most of your tips. I said TIPS!
Great post, Leigh. I think I’ll steal it.
It could, however, used just a FEW more boobie pics. Food for thought. Joke in there somewhere.
dan – i’ve been waiting to use your line. it cracked me up. see? inspiration!!!!!
bee – you should have said t*ps!
heyjoe – i’m on a boob moratorium for a while, just to keep from being overexposed (no pun intended). you know, britney spears could flash her clam these days and nobody would bat an eye.
“Flash her clam.”
Actually, I’ve seen it and it’s far from lovely. Kind of droopy as I recall.
I’m just trying to figure out how the lady with the five star bosoms manages to have her right hand come all the way around the other side of her body. ‘Course, you needed that kind of flexibility to hook those bad boys, since they were woven out of kevlar and shame.
I wish my mom read my blog. But she’s afraid of the internets.
My mom does read my blog. But she’s not “that” kind of mom. She’s more of an aging party girl who managed to pop out two kids who have then themselves begun to procreate (with other people, obviously. At least I hope it’s obvious.).
The first time she met my husband to be it was at a soiree at her country club estate. She told him a charming story about a guy she used to date who did something gross (really, really gross) to her whilst they were having sex. Then, just when we thought that couldn’t be topped, ten minutes later she told him that if he broke my heart she’d “break his f*cking knee caps”.
My husband comes from an extremely conservative Catholic background and was not accustomed to adults dropping the F-bomb, swapping sex stories, or getting their drink on in mixed company. It was, I think, a very illuminating evening for him.
And yet he married me anyway. Curious.
maiden – i noticed that too. i also noticed, i seem to favor the “my right arm is extended on the chair back to accentuate my boobies pose” in most of my pictures too. don’t belive me? go check.
bex – uhhh, i think i have a crush on your mom.
Eh, forget the boobage, I’m still trying to figure out how to angle my head just so in pictures so that I only have one chin.
And yes, Bex, your mom is awesome. (My grandmother threatened my husband on our wedding day. Pinched him and everything. She wasn’t even drinking.)
I’ve got some dog stories lined up. Too kiddie-like? How about a photo of the heart-shaped hairless patch on my chest from when they did my stress test a few weeks ago? If I do some cropping and Photodhopping, not a nipple will be showing.
Very nice, Leigh. You actually gave some useful advice, which is more than I can say for myself.
“plagiarism is a big blogging don’t. if you’re so hard up that you can’t come up with a decent post, then perhaps you shouldn’t be blogging at all.”
SERIOUSLY. I would add that if your blog consists entirely of Youtube clips and emails that are going around the office that are “too good not to post!”, you really need to be doing something else with your time.
very nice. I especially liked the “do not steal” one. I once had a guy taking a feed from my blog and posting every word as his own. It was a little freaky.
Excellent post, Leigh.
I agree that images, especially sexy one can garner you some attention.
I also tend to think some originality is a very good thing.
I don’t know how many blogs I’ve come across that just use the same images or jokes as the other ones. Once you’ve seen the same 3 motivational posters on about 100 sites, you tend to wonder if anyone (other than me) is capable of creating a new and original one.
Great asterisks work. If there’s anything I love in life it’s my ******************************s.
But don’t you think you were a little hard on joke recyclers and YouTube scrapers and mommy overload types? After all boring bloggers need love too.
If Rickey may add: don’t create a false persona and blog entirely in the third person. It tends to alienate folks. Ah drat…
everyone – thanks so much for the comments. i’m feeling the love!
Okay so copyscape. Thanks for the heads up on that, unfortunately I’m going to have to become a premium because, due to my almost whore level blog syndication strategies, all the “copies” of my work were just things reposted on sites like CollegeHumor.com and TOSports.ca. Ah well.
Anyhow there’s some solid advicein here, but you can go fuck yourself about the profanity thing.
I’m with Brent on this one. I gots major lurve for my fuck*ng asterisks.
Great advice Leigh — especially the one about showing gratuitous (and retro) flesh shots!
The middle sister in your family got me hooked on your blog, and I’ve been lurking for a while. Working from home gets tedious, and when I need a humor break, I head straight to your site. You’re hilarious! Oh, and your kids are gorgeous — I can’t believe how big they’ve gotten. I haven’t seen them since your sister got married so I was really glad you posted those family pics recently!
this is actually one of the best blogging tips posts I’ve ever read. And I’m totally down with humor blogs, but I’m such a technological moron that I can’t figure out how to embed the links in my post. Ah, the brain fogs of impending middle age…
You’re hot enough fully clothed. No need to show “The Guns”, unless you really, really want to. I’m relatively new at blogging so thank you for the advise. Your blog rocks. You rock! Keep up the good work.
You’re doing a great job with the blog. Your posts are cracking me up. Keep it up.
Ooooooo, I may have to try the flesh & boobs bit. 😉 Found you on H-B, I’m a newbie so I appreciate the words of wisdom!
Great Advice! Thanks!