so thaaat’s the problem. i don’t have a penis.

men and women are so different (and not just because boys have “peanuts” and girls have “china”).


the other night after a “disagreement” the hubs said the following:

“sometimes i wish i could just strap a d*ck on you so we could just beat the crap out of each other on friday, and on monday we would be best of friends and forget anything ever happened.”

hmmmm….yeah honey, i think that would make me feel a whole lot better too.



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21 thoughts on “so thaaat’s the problem. i don’t have a penis.

  1. Bee

    Ha ha! I have sometimes found myself saying “If you were a man, I’d beat the crap out of you!” to the hubs. We’re just playing though…

    The whole strapping dick thing? What about your boobs? Does he have a plan for those? ;op

  2. Whup-Ass Master

    Leigh, my dear…one does not need a penis to punch out a man. Just ask Liza Minelli. Okay, bad example. But the unresolved issue here is your husband’s eagerness for you to strap one on. It certainly begs a follow-up question or two.


  3. heyjoe

    Or perhaps hubs could strap on a porta pussy and you two could backstab each other and then make fun of the other’s shoes.

    Just a thought.

  4. Sue

    Thanks for the genitalia link. 🙂
    So let me get this straight: All I need to do is put on a strap-on, then I can clobber my husband with a frying pan? SWEEEET!!!!

  5. Mojo

    Two Words: Lorena Bobbit

    Need I say more? Or did the collective wince/groan/rustle of crossed legs that just swept the blogosphere make the point for me? (What… you didn’t hear that??)

  6. leigh Post author

    bee – the point the hubs was trying to make (cos i don’t think i properly communicated it) is even if guys have a fight they get over it and everything’s hunky dory. woman can hold grudges forever. he always has plans for those.

    daniel – what about lesbians?

    WAP – what about tawny kitean?

    heyjoe – i think i like your idea better.

    sue – you’re welcome!!!

    mojo – ouch.

  7. SinisterDan

    See, I’ve just been assuming that you were a guy, and that the pretty blonde lady was someone that you were stalking.

    I stand corrected.

  8. Meg

    I often wish my spousal unit would have china or “indoor plumbing” as I like to call it, so he’d have a clue about things and be able to find the lunch meat in the fridge, which is in the same place it’s been for 67 years.

  9. unfinishedperson

    Whew! You letting Damon know that it wasn’t meant literally, that you and your husband weren’t considering you get a sex change. I was getting worried…

    …I mean, the whole reason that I visited here to begin with was your “Show me your t*ts” post. The “peanuts” talk was scaring me. 😉

  10. diesel

    Reading your sentence very precisely, it seems that what the penis actually does is inhibit the ability to remember the fight. So you could still beat the crap out of each other, but the problem is that you would remember it because you don’t have a penis.

    That sounds about right.

  11. funnylovin

    Hey, I read your blog and was wondering if you would like to write for a young online magazine about anything funny involving love and relationships. The magazine is called FunnyLovin’ and is about funny relationship stories. It can be found at If you would like to write, I could give you a column, and you could provide a link back to your blog. This way you can bring more attention to your blog. You would be submitting original stories about anything. The site is more of a magazine. For example my most recent article was entitled “Top Ten Gay Habits I Have” (I’m a guy). But I was reading your blog and you were pretty funny so it doesn’t seem like it would be a problem for you. If this is is something you would be interested in, I could give you your own column and you could write as little or much as you want. We’re growing pretty quickly, and would be a good time to hop on board. Anyways, check out the site and let me know if you’d be interested.

    editor in chief

  12. LiteralDan

    I was going to say something about how now you can threaten to take the first part of your husband’s quote (“sometimes i wish i could just strap a d*ck on you”) out of context if he ever crosses you. Did you by chance record him saying it?

    But it doesn’t matter now, because heyjoe’s comment above makes all other comments obsolete.


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