don’t quit your day job

agh! ok, ok, ok. i know it’s been weeks days, and i’ve been avoiding you guys like an old lover. but today heyjoe harassed me enough so that i’m feeling compelled to write. plus bex is pissed at me and candice freaking tagged me (which i’ll get to next), so i figured it’s time. 

also, it taken about this long for me to realize some sad truths about myself. domesticgoddess1

the myth: i *really* like working.
the reality: i do not actually like working. i actually like shopping. shopping is my crack and i must work to feed the addiction. however, the hubs has taken away my credit cards, i’m in the throes of withdrawal, and i’m feeling quite bitchy. must.find.work.soon.

the myth: the reason i don’t cook is because i am always working.
the reality: i have no inner domestic goddess trying to escape. my whole family pretty much prefers anything stouffers to what i’ve been attempting.

teenage daughter: what *is* this stuff, mom? it tastes funny.
me: that’s because it’s homemade.
teenage daughter: oh… can i have some cereal?

the myth: women look better when they are happy.
the reality: i ran into an acquaintance at the grocery store today and had the following exchange.

her: hey! long time no see! you look great! what’s going on with you? wow, you look so skinny! have you lost weight?
me: oh, let’s see. i got shit canned. i’m depressed and going to therapy. i haven’t shaved my legs in two weeks and i’m living off coffee and dry honey nut cheerios. but apparently my ASS is noticeably smaller, so i’ve got that going for me.

god that felt good! i think i’m back.

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13 thoughts on “don’t quit your day job

  1. Bex

    Phew! I was getting worried about you…glad you’re back, but I hate you for your smaller ass.

    We move next week. It’s suck city because the hubs is gone, which effectively leaves me with not one, not two but THREE little kids and the damn dog. Plus I get to pack. Plus? I get to get the house “ready” to sell. Whatever….

    But I AM glad you’re back. Even with your stupid skinny ass.

    Reply
  2. HeyJoe

    Ahh, so good to see you Leigh. I was beginning to FEEL like that old lover you’re trying to avoid. I guess being fired, like the flu, is good for your figure. I see a diet book in your future.

    Reply
  3. leigh

    doug – thanks! i’ll try!

    neo – see, i’d actually have to be writing blogs as well as reading other people’s blogs to have known that. i really am a loser.

    bex – don’t hate. i told you the secret.

    heyjoe – there. happy now? plus, i would never avoid you.

    Reply
  4. ED

    Leigh, I can tell you are feeling better. You are again scorching the e-waves with that select humor so dear to ole dad.

    the colonel

    Reply
  5. Whup-Ass Master

    You are the anti-Oprah. She gets fatter when the Dow tanks, whereas you get skinnier. When/if you start packing on the pounds, let us know so we can invest in the stock market again.

    xox
    WAM

    Reply
  6. RaBT

    Oh God, the part of *liking* working really hits home. It really irks me when I talk to people that tell me they like working… Well, almost everyone I know anyway – Except Tony Romo, he probably really enjoys work… or poor ol’ Paris Hilton… They’ve got to put in the 8-5 to really feel the burn because after all, rich people don’t have it easy, just ask them and they’ll tell you over and over again how tough it is… I can imagine the terror they must have to go through… 😉

    Reply

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