badass? who, me?

apparently, my new banner has got some of you thinking i’m a badass. which i’m secretly enjoying.

i must admit, when i was photoshopping that puppy up, i was going for something john woo-ish. i’m pretty happy with the results.

it makes me feel all uma thurmany inside. like i’m starring in some tarantino-penned, ang lee-directed, heist/con/chase/romance flick with my boyfriend, jason statham, that’s got a lot of action, some nudity (him), and a whole bunch of asskicking (me) thrown in for good measure.

movieposter.jpg 

of course the problem with thinking you’re a badass, is getting caught up in your own hype.

and speaking of kung foo nails… i have discovered you must respect the nails or the nails will kick your ass. it only took a few days, but my own nails have inflicted about the worse source of pain that i have ever experienced in my life and there have been exactly three.

1. the birth of child two without benefit of an epidural, not by choice, but possible death was the other option.

2. child one tripped and bullseyed a million-to-one Qtip shot into my ear and neatly ruptured my eardrum. this one brought me to my knees and made me see actual stars.

3. while futzing with the ice chest, i tried to push the little doohickey cap back on the drainage hole thingy and ripped my freaking thumbnail half off.

in case you weren’t aware, fake nails do not give way. your flesh does. it all happened so fast, at first i couldn’t tell exactly why my hand was radiating pain up to my elbow. while i was trying to figure out what the hell happened, my nail started gushing blood and i almost passed out. i spent the rest of the afternoon on darvocet and red wine.

anyway, so now i can’t decide if i’m going to keep the nails. i’ve realized that with great power, comes great responsibility and obviously, i’m not responsible (or smart) enough to keep from inflicting bodily harm on my own self.

the banner, however, is staying. 

you won’t hurt yourself at Humor-Blogs.com 

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10 thoughts on “badass? who, me?

  1. Shieldmaiden96

    I remember a stern lecture from my hairdresser/manicurist when I first got those. It went like this:

    “Now. These nails are NOT TOOLS. You are not to USE THEM AS A SCREDRIVER, scrape things off with them, pry stuff off. NONE OF THAT.”

    “Yes, ma’am.”

    She didn’t bother to explain how I would successfully 1) put on necklaces 2) pick up small objects 3) effectively use toilet paper. I had to figure all that out on my own. You also can’t make a fist, at least, not one you can use.

    I don’t have them anymore.

    Reply
  2. leigh Post author

    maiden – bwahaha!!! yeah, i thought it best not to mention the “wiping” issues i’ve been having. oh wait. i guess i just did.

    Reply
  3. Bee

    Your banner IS AWESOME!! You look so hot! (You know, in a non-gay way, not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

    My nails have always been long so I’ve adapted to things necessary to survive but when they break, I feel weird when I have an itch and nothing to scratch with. ;op

    Reply
  4. leigh Post author

    bee – thanks for saying i look hot! photoshop is a beautiful thing.

    damon – futz is like f*ck but nicer.

    jv – word.

    heyjoe- let’s see you pop JUST ONE rugrat out of an orifice that’s about the size of a quarter and then we’ll see just who’s the pussy.

    Reply
  5. Tracy

    I remember the days of the fake nail and this story reminded me of why I don’t get them anymore. I know that pain!

    I loved Uma in those movies. After watching both Kill Bills I had a sneaking suspicion that I would be awesome with a sword. My husband still won’t let me find out.

    And you do look great in your banner. I say keep it!

    Reply
  6. Ryan Hupfer

    Hey Leigh – I just tried to email you, but it was kicked back to me. Can you please send me an email when you get a few minutes to spare? I want to pick your brain about a few things…don’t worry, it won’t hurt…much.

    🙂

    Reply

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