the city of houston just spent millions of dollars increasing interstate 10 to an amazing 10 lanes wide total NOT including some extra lanes for HOV and toll traffic which haven’t even opened yet.
i was rejoicing this morning as i began my commute. it’s only about 30 miles, but driving from suburban houston into the galleria area can take well over an hour on a really bad day.
because all lanes were finally open, all i could think was “sweet! i should be there in less than 30 minutes.” ahhhh, thinking. that’s exactly what my problem is.
look people, we know the speed limit is….you know, i’m not really sure what it is.
AND i don’t freaking care!!! it’s 6am and if i want to go 80 mph (and believe me i do) it is not YOUR JOB to keep everyone going 65 or whatever the freaking hell the speed limit is!
there’s 5 freaking lanes. get your slow mofo-going-60 mph-ass over in the far right hand lane. lead, follow, or get the eff out of the way!!
i don’t consider myself a violent person, but this morning, i reallllly wish i had some of these:
rant over. that is all.
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Leigh Online 
Grrrrr…that fudge packing kitten won’t let me vote for you at HB. I’ll keep trying…funny post, BTW!!! My favorite is “Nice car (You’re still a bitch) I should print that on a brick so I can throw it through the occasional car window.
bex – same here. problem in houton is, you never know who’s got a gun.
Those signs are PERFECT!! I feel for ya having to make that drive every day. Give ’em hell!
Jeebus on a skateboard. The first time I went to Houston I thought we were going to get run off the road by monster trucks with whip antennas. I don’t mind a little speed, but as I was awakened in my luxury suite at the Hampton Inn by a rainstorm of biblical severity and the highway was like a slip-n-slide it surprised me that 85 seemed to be the speed of choice.
My favorite bumper sticker: “I wasn’t born in Texas but I got here as fast as I could!”
chat – thanks for the sympathy. the only good part is i like my car.
maiden – learning how to drive 70 mph in a hailstorm with only one car length between you and the driver in front of you is an aquired skill.
Those are great signs….just stay north of highway 59, or else nobody will be able to read them.
Wait, aren’t you a NYCer? Doesn’t driving into Manhattan in the first place constitute an act of lunacy?
matt – bwahaha! you must be from around here.
rickey – no. i live in houston. sigh. and yes, whenever i visit NYC i either walk or take a cab. although, i have ridden the subway from central park down to battery park.
wow found your blog though bex, very glad to see a fellow texan. took long enough. And yes I have been in Houston traffic. Pure Freaking Road Rage.
Love the cancer wish.
Awesome….
If you make them into bumber stickers, I’ll buy a few!
P.S.
My commute is only 5 minutes but I pack a lot of rage in those 5 minutes!
Ooo, the blinker is a big one for me. Why does it seem as though EVERYONE has forgotten how to use this handy little gadget?
And last night I was sitting at a red light. When my light turned green I hesitated as this white mini-van was coming from my left. Sure enough, bitch blew right through the intersection and, sure enough again, bitch was on a cell phone.
SO – running a red light AND talking on a cell phone withOUT a hands free device, which as of July is now law in California? Bitch needs stripped naked and staked to an ant hill.
Every single one of these could be dirty shanks! KUDOS
just a girl – thanks for stopping by!!! i’m from austin too. i miss it.
weesle909 – that one did make me the hardest.
bee – what an awesome idea! cafepress here i come.
heyjoe – stripped naked and staked to an ant hill? sounds like you’re just the guy for the job.
jailbird – be my guest!
This situation would definitely fall into my least favorite category – I think you can be commended on not hurting anyone!!
My dear, what you really need is to spend a week or two during rush hour in the NY subway system. You either embrace your inner zen or go all-out postal.
That is all.
xox
WAM
OK.
I’m going to regret clicking on the smiley face. But that was pretty damn funny.
Hmm…
What if we printed all of them — reversed of course, so they’d read correctly in the rearview — and spiral bound the collection so that whichever situation applied you’d have the right message to send?
Of course, there’d have to be a disclaimer absolving the maker of any responsibility for damages resulting from you rear-ending the a$$h*le you’re trying to communicate with while trying to find the right page…
On second thought, judicious application of the one-finger salute from the general vicinity of the offender’s rear bumper is probably just as effective.
Aw, Rickey thought you were a fellow New Yawker, and by extension, infinitely cooler. Ah well…
Living my entire life within 5 miles of I-10, I too, am glad for the expansion. However, I am completely with you on the drivers here…here is a list of my greivances:
– getting onto the freeway using the handy ACCELERATION lane, for some, is a foreign concept. If you’re not doing at least 60, prepare to get creamed or run into the shoulder.
– construction is everywhere here…READ THE DAMN SIGNS…lane ends up ahead? Merge now, because when I see you sidle up to me and try and squeeze in at the last minute, I will look at you with disgust and simply mouth the word “no”. I followed the rules, what makes you so damn special?
– usually, I have found, the bigger the car, the worse the driver. If you want to drive a land yacht, learn how to stay in your lane without using mine and learn to park! Taking two spaces is not knowing how to park.
– blinkers are a rarity in this town. Unfortunately, I have noticed people speeding up when I put mine on, keeping me from getting over. Maybe they are afraid of the little blinking light? I don’t know.
– now that we have so many lanes on I-10, it still baffles me that people still don’t know that they need to be in one of the 3 right-hand lanes to go down 610…despite miles of signs, and huge blue interstate logos handily painted on the ground ON WHICH THEY ARE DRIVING. Sure, go ahead and sprint from the far left-hand lane to the extreme right-hand lane, we’re all waving you over.
Great blog, nice to see a fellow Houstonian out there.
Oh, and another piece of advice, while it’s not the safest thing to use, the middle finger is SO gratifying, granted you have a fast getaway.
rickey – i find that if i like someone’s blog, i assume that we live in the same city too.
jules – you are so right!!!! using your blinker is the kiss of death. i discovered this after just moving here. you just have to give a courtesy blink as you swerve in. otherwise, they will see you WANT to move over and speed up! what asses!!! do you have a blog?
LOL for the love of God I feel your pain! I wrote a post on this myself, check it out under the march
archives called DWS (driving while stupid)
🙂
OH GOD!
SO FUNNY!
I’m done with the overuse of CAPS now, but as a fellow Houstonian: YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!
(wouldn’t it be cool if we could get a ROTATING bumper sticker so we could choose which message appropriately fits the asshat we need to flip off/yell at/roll our eyes at/hate with a merciless passion?)
eliza – like a mini jumbotron mounted in the back window? i like it!
Does HOV stand for hovercraft?
Leigh – my husband gets so aggravated with me using your above-mentioned “fast-one-time-blink”, but it really is the only way. And, no, I don’t have a blog…but I am at home all day getting riled up about various things, so maybe I should start one as cheap therapy.
Diesel – HOV is ‘high-occupancy vehicle’, but if I could hover, I totally would just to get away from the many folks that wake up with the sole mission of pissing me off and getting in my way.
On a side note, I just remembered something that may give insight to the drivers in this town. My friend’s husband moved here from Germany and needed a driver’s license, so he goes to the DPS to take the test. There was a guy there that was taking the written portion of the test, but needed it in Spanish. No problem, she gave him the form. He can’t read Spanish, so the lady told him to go to a bank of booths on the back wall, pick up the phone, and someone would read him the questions over the phone!!! What the hell? Does that sound right to you?
diesel – if it did i sure as hell wouldn’t be having these problems.
jules – girl, you need a blog. if you can write comments like that, you obviously can write a few posts. as for the DPS thing, didn’t you grow up in texas? hablamos espanol!
diesel – if it did i sure as hell wouldn’t be having these problems.
jules – girl, you need a blog. if you can write comments like that, you obviously can write a few posts. as for the DPS thing, didn’t you grow up in texas? hablamos espanol! also if you haven’t been reading diesel, you need to. he’s a funny guy.
Uhm. You know I meant bumPer stickers right? Sorry but I’m dixlixsick. ;op
Ha ha. What you need is my patented ‘Smart Windows’. I posted about them last October. Here’s a link: New Improvements What you need is at the bottom of the post!
Leigh – I definitely hablamos espanol, for sure, but it just makes me nervous that reading is not a requirement to drive…scary!
Thanks, but I don’t know the first thing about starting a blog, have any tips?
Yes, I read Diesel’s blog, he is definitely funny, as are you and Bex!
jules – considering texas is a big state, there’s prolly LOTS of people who can’t read, if you catch my drift.
i would suggest starting with blogger. it’s easy. sign up, log in, choose a premade template and start posting! it’s blogging for dummies.
Leigh – you’re right on that one, for sure. Wasn’t implying anything disrespectful of course!
I will try it out, thanks for the tip!
Oh, holy hell. I just moved to Houston (that’s why I haven’t commented in a few weeks) and the traffic is STRAIGHT FROM HELL. We’re wishing we never left Ohio.