do these margaritas make my ass look big?

babygotback.jpgnormally, i don’t get too stressed out about my weight. hell, i may be the only woman on the planet who doesn’t even own a scale. but after the last few weeks, i’ve decided it’s time to dial back.

recently the family spent a week in mexico throwing back margaritas and chowing down on mexican food. then we just spent the labor day weekend in san antonio, taking my inlaws out to dinner for their golden (otherwise know as, i can’t believe i haven’t effing killed you after 50 years) anniversary. we ate our way up and down the riverwalk.

anyway, if i don’t do something soon, ice t’s gonna be asking me to marry him.

food i can do with or without, but margaritas…now that’s a sacrifice. here’s a typical weekend conversation between me and hubs:

me: (looking at my watch) is it too early for a cocktail?

him: (not even glancing at his watch) at the (insert our last name here) house? you must be joking.

so i asked the hubs to cut back with me for the next few weeks until i reign it in, cos it’s no fun NOT to drink alone. he was none too excited.

luckily, fate as intervened. the hubs is having a colonoscopy this week (no, he’s not 50 -he’s just very in touch with his asshole) and he’s not allowed to have any alcohol until after the procedure.

he also can’t eat anything either… and he has take some little pills that are some kind of nuclear laxative… and i will have to take care of him after he comes out of anesthesia…

come to think about it, i may be needing a drink after all.

i’ll keep you posted on both fronts (so to speak).

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15 thoughts on “do these margaritas make my ass look big?

  1. Shieldmaiden96

    If you didn’t have anyone ogling your can in Mexico you are probably okay. If you did, you have two choices:

    1) Size interdiction measures
    2) Move down there and be worshipped

    I understand enough Spanish to know that many of the gentlemen who frequented my old hometown laundromat found me quite irresistible. (Lo siento, senores, pero LES COMPRENDO!!)

    Up here I’m just some dumpy Irish broad.

    Reply
  2. heyjoe

    That’s a fine turd-cutter you got there sister. Oh wait, that’s not you!

    Yea, gaining weight sucks ass. The wife and I have been fighting that battle for a couple of years now. I’m about ready to give in and join the Lard Ass Brigade.

    Reply
  3. Candice

    Love your blog! You crack me up.

    If you really want to freak your husband out, be sure and tell him how he was going on and on about how he really enjoyed “the hose” while he was in his heavily medicated state. He’ll love you for it.

    Reply
  4. Don

    Don’t forget your camera and laptop when taking hubby to the butt doc. I don’t know whose ass you’ve claimed in that photo, but damn that babe has been swimming in the lard at KFC.

    Reply
  5. chat blanc

    yeah, I’m not so sure this is the best week to cut out the margaritas. just thinking about a colon-anything makes me want to numb the pain. best-o-luck to the hubs, and you. 🙂

    Reply
  6. Kat

    My husband just had a colonoscopy done two weeks ago. The night before get ready for him to be moaning and wanting to die from the laxatives. He did say the procedure itself wasn’t bad because “They gave me hella date rape drugs.”

    Reply
  7. Mojo

    Ookay two things jumped out at me from this post. Alright three if you count the bubblebutt photo.
    first: “nuclear laxative”? Sounds like my famous “Chernobyl Chili” would do the job just fine… and taste better too.
    second: “very in touch with his asshole”? damn.

    Reply
  8. Dad

    I had my recurring colo about six months ago (I am 72). Unfortunately, I drank red gatorade to start the evacuation process – so all of the juices were red (eventually). During the interview with the nurse the next day (before the hose introduction) I commented that next time I would drink blue or green, as this would be more exciting. She looked at me in a
    somewhat disdainful way and departed the examination room without a comment and apparently somewhat irritated. Another nurse finished the interview.
    I can only infer that she preferred red gatorade.

    Dad.

    Reply

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