good lord. puh-leez, make it stop. tonight the king is on the throne…but unfortunately, so is the queen.
tomorrow morning my husband goes in for his colonoscopy. he’s spent the afternoon prepping himself for his procedure. and by prepping himself i mean he’s barricaded himself in the master bathroom.
apparently, if you can call it that, he got lucky. his doctor skipped the poo punch and let him take poo pills instead. he’s consumed a grand total of 32 pills, 2 cans of sprite, and 48 ounces of water. he’s now officially peeing poop.
unfortunately, i seem to have either picked up the stomach flu sometime after lunch, or i have the worst case of sympathy shits known to man.
me: uuuuuughhhhh. i feel horrible!
hubs: excuse me if i’m having trouble feeling any sympathy for you.
me: if i didn’t know better, i’d think you slipped me one of those pills.
hubs: ordinarily i would have, but i needed them all.
between the two of us, we’ve managed to stink up two, count ’em, two downstairs bathrooms worse than the greyhound bus station shitters. my bedroom smells like a port-a-potty at wurstfest. this is beyond match-lighting stank. even the kids are disgusted for chrissakes and nobody loves poopy humor more than my boy.
the bad news? i hope one of us is in decent condition to take him to the doctor in the morning.
the good news? i’ve lost 5 pounds already!!!
Leigh! You’ve never struck me as a “Sympathy Shitter” kinda gal. But I guess, in this instance, you are. Huh.
Ooohhh…am I first??? Woo hoo…FIRST!
Also, let us know how the hubs came out. He’ll be clean as a frigging whistle, that’s for sure.
At what ages does Rickey need to have this done? Ugh, Rickey is so dreading this….
bex – me either but there’s a first time for eveything.
rickey – at 50 if you haven’t had one previously, which it seems quite a few humor-bloggers have. you’re not the only one dreading it.
My GOD you’re a sexy little minx!
hey joe – poop is sexy? who knew.
I’d eat lots of corn if I were you, it puts the fun back into toilet time.
So rather than do this 21-day detox the wife is pushing, I should just go for the colonoscopy, huh? Decisions, decisions …
BTW – I can’t find a link to subscribe anywhere on your site. did it get flushed?
5 POUNDS???? Girl, mail me some of those!
king – corn. ewwww!
kevin – it’ll do the trick. i’m sorry. i’m lame. i don’t have a link to subscribe. you’ll just have to put me in your google reader or something.
sue – trust me. you DON’T want them.
You’ve been through so much, you really need to score some of that Valium they’re going to give Hubs during the procedure. 😉
Don’t ask me how I know.
You rebound very quickly from the procedure. Like, head for McD’s right after for a quarter pounder. I had it last year (and I’m not 50 either but had colon cancer in a sibling). The prep day is worse than the Big Day. Please tell my husband it’s no biggie. He IS going to be 50. 🙂
I’m not fooled by your stab at poop humor. All men know that women don’t poop.
Thanks for sharing. Yeah boy, it’s spaghetti for supper tonight!
You’ve got to try PooPourri. A friend of mine created it, and it traps bathroom odors under the water. She has two new products also — one just for men called Royal Flush and one for pre-teen girls called Number 2. Here’s a link: http://www.poopourri.com. Not only do these products work, their packaging is really attractive.
So…how is the collective bungholery today? Better, I hope!
You’re shitting me right?
(C’mon, you laughed. You know you did.)